...I build my puzzle.

It has been a long time since my last blog. I created this blog to track my journey to and from China, but today I need it to be more than that.

So my winter break is coming to a close, in just a few days I will head back to K-State and start yet another semester. I am sure that this semester will hold many longs nights, crazy schedules, good friends and lots of life lessons. I can't even imagine what God has in-store for my life this semester and that is what brings me here this windy and cold afternoon.

I sat at my dinning room table reading through my bible trying to learn something from the passage in Acts I had opened up to. As I was reading thoughts about break started swirling around in my head. What had happened to this month away from life in Manhattan and what had I made of it? The answer to the latter wasn't something that I really enjoyed thinking about, but as I did God began to teach me something in the craziness that was my thoughts.

I spent a lot of my break thinking about things to come. A semester of school, work and friends. In a few months a summer of who knows what and then after that a journey across the ocean to China. You see I like to think about things to come, I like to plan out scenarios in my head and how I would/will react. I like to plan what I want my life to be like. I like to have it all figured out. Well if you know anything about Christ and following Him, this is not how He likes to work.

So this morning God brought one little word to my head in the midst of all of my thoughts, Faith. Towards the end of last semester and over most of this break I realized that I allowed my impatience to become a lot bigger than my faith. I deeply want to know what the future holds for my life. I want to know where I will end up and how God is going to use me.

The thought of a puzzle came to me this morning. My life is like a puzzle but because my life is not complete neither is this puzzle. So me being me I try to step back and figure out what this whole puzzle will look like once it is complete, however, I don't have the pieces to complete this puzzle, God does, and not only does He have the pieces but He gives me a new piece everyday. He asks that I have faith in the pieces He will give me and faith in the pieces he has already given me. He asks that as each day comes and He hands me a new piece that I use this piece to glorify Him by fitting into the other pieces where it belongs.

God is so patient in the middle of my impatience. Because of the way I am wired it is hard for me to trust Him with the next piece of the puzzle, but I am slowly, and I do mean slowly, learning that the picture He can see is much greater than the picture I want to see.

Psalms 103:22

"Praise the Lord, all his works

everywhere in his dominon.

Praise the Lord, O my soul."

...into and through an incredible journey!

The whole team is back in the US! After many hours in airports, planes and lines, everyone is home! What a journey it was too!

I can't thank everyone enough for the prayers and support. There is probably a lot of you who don't want to read through anymore post now that we are home, however, I know that the days and weeks to come will reveal more about this trip and God. There was so much that he taught me along the way and as I reflect and process through it all, he is faithful to help me understand.

From the beginning of this journey God really had to work in me to make it less about me and more about what he wanted to do through me. Even down to the reasoning for going on this trip had some selfish motives behind it. It didn't take long before the humbling experience of these kids started to transform my heart into worshiping God.

Visiting Maria's Big House of Hope and seeing some of the special needs that these orphans had really cause me to ask some questions and even question God. I didn't, and still don't, fully understand why there is so much suffering among precious children. I wanted to make this trip about these orphans instead of making the trip about God because I didn't understand what he was trying to do through these kids. Something that God showed me through some of our team time was that regardless of what is going on in the lives of these kids, they are still his children and he still loves them unconditionally.

Although I was questioning God in some areas, he was still faithful to show himself to me and come through in other areas. One of my biggest prayers prior to this trip was that God would work in the hearts of our team to join together and work for him. God totally blessed me with the team I was able to travel and work with. I have never known someone for such a small amount of time, yet felt so close to them. Every person on our team was so different but they brought so much to our team. Saying goodbye to that team was so incredibly hard. They all hold such a special place in my heart.

God always has a plan, and he is willing to lead us if we are willing to let him. My personality is one that wants to know the big picture before I agree to take the next step. This isn't how God works and it isn't that kind of faith he has called us to. The Lord was faithful to show me that he is leading me to the next step of my journey. I don't know where I will ultimately end up with my life, I don't know if I will spend the rest of my life in China caring for orphans, but I do know that there is a path God has put me on. My desire is to follow this path, regardless of how far down the path I can see. He is so much greater than I am, and I want to trust that his plan is so much greater than I could ever imagine for myself.

Please continue to pray for the children at Maria's! They all need healing, they all need families and they all need to someday experience a relationship with the father that will never leave them!

...into understanding

Our team has left Maria's Big House of Hope and we are back in Beijing. Saying good bye to a place like Maria's is not something that you can easily do. All of the team spent time getting to know these kids and we all had kids that had stolen a piece of our heart. It is also hard because we no longer have the joy of the kids to lift our spirits as we continue to process through our trip and what God has taught each of us. 

During our week at Maria's I had a lot of questions about what was going on in my heart and why God does what he does. Like I have said before, there is no experience like this trip. But there is also probably nothing I have done that has been as difficult as this. Trying to find the answers to these questions is not really something that comes quickly, if ever! 

The conversations we have been able to have among the team now that we are away from Maria's and beginning to process, have been extremely beneficial. God not only touched our hearts, provided for our needs and taught us about himself, but he also gave us a family of team members who are also going through the same thing. For that I am truly thankful. 

On a lighter note, today we were able to do some sight seeing! We got to go to The Great Wall and to Tianamin Square. It was such a blessing to be able to enjoy some fun time with the team. It was a hot day but we all enjoyed it none the less. Over the pass couple of days we have also been able to pick up some souviniers by bargaining! If you have never bargained with a Chinese street vendor you are missing out! The fun of bargaining is almost better than the stuff you get. Anyway, overall it has been great getting to continue to spend time with the team and learn more about China. 

Please continue to pray for my team and I. Pray that we will all be able to process and learn from God after the trip. Pray for safe travel back to the states. Pray for the staff we left behind at Maria's. Pray that the kids back at Maria's would someday know a forever family. Pray that the kids who will only be on this earth for a little while longer are shown Gods love while they are here. 

Thank you all for all of your prayers. 

...to the reality of His Glory.

As our time here at Maria's comes to a close there is so much that I am challenged by. We have spent some of our time here going through "training," in which we learned so much about orphan care, including what we can do once we get home. Just from talking with all of you, I know there is a lot of people in my circle who are interested in orphans in some way. My hearts biggest desire is that God would touch your heart like he has touched mine through these kids. 

I know that a lot of you will want to here my story when I get home and I also know that I will not be able to convey to you the entirety of this experience. However, if any of you who are reading this blog want to hear about any of it, I would be thrilled to talk to you. A fair warning, your heart will be touched in some way. 

Last night I had a chance to catch some of the staff in their down time and ask them about how they do what they do. The coolest thing about the way they answered is that every bit of it was about the glory of God. One of the things said was the view it as an opportunity to be one of the last ones to care for a baby who is taking their last breathe, and that even though it is hard, they are given the strength by God to get through it. 

The thoughts that are swimming around in my head are "What's next?" How do I go home and live a life back at K-State that is not only glorifying to God but showing my heart for orphans and for China? I want to continue in this ministry and I want to convince people that this is a ministry they should come along side. So much that has to be processed through, so many stories to tell! Please be praying not only for me but for the whole team that we would really see the next step that God is has set before us. 

...into a deeper understanding of His heart.

The last couple of days has been such a whirlwind of emotions - from the crankiness of jet lag, to being distraught for these orphans. My prayer the past couple of days has been that the Lord would help me discern these feelings and help me understand what it is that he would have me learn from it. He has taught me a lot but there are still so many questions running through my head. 

Spending time playing with these kids the last couple of days has shown me the true beauty of who they are. It doesn't matter what they look like or what special need it is that they have, these are Gods children and he values them just as much as you or me. I can't help but fall in love with them as I get to know each of them more. Some have huge obstacles they will have to overcome and some will never get the chance to know life beyond MBHOH. Even though there is so much hurt, pain, and suffering, the amount of joy these kids possess wipes all of that out. 

A quick story about a little baby I was playing with today. In one of the rooms there is a child who has a severe medical condition which makes it hard for him to breathe and move. As I was playing with some of the other kids in his room I heard him fussing, so I scooted over and gave him some attention. Even though there was several other toddlers who wanted my attention I stayed by this little boy and allowed him to hold my finger as I played with the other kids. Each time I would take my finger away from him he began to cry. It really took me back how just holding a finger could make such a big difference in this little boys comfort. He just needed to know that someone was there. 

Each time I enter a room I see these beautiful kids and each time I think about the problems they are facing, but those thoughts are soon pushed to the back of my mind as I see the smiles spread across their faces. I don't think I could even count how many smiles I see in one day here at Maria's. It just blows me away that in the midst of all of this, these kids are more joyful than I am. 

My heart is so full! There is no way I will ever be able to put into words what this experience with these kids is like, even after I am back home talking to you guys face to face. This is an aspect of Gods love that I don't think many of us have ever experienced. 

Later in the day, we shared among our team some hard moments about our day, there wasn't a dry eye in the house after it was over. These kids have touched our lives in such a deep way. It has humbled me to a point I have never been at before. 

Here's a quick thought that helped get me through the last couple of days: The kids that breathe their last here at Maria's were blessed by the ministry that goes on here, the kids I have met who will only live for a little while longer have blessed me. However - this isn't the end - I get to see these kids again. One day on the other side of eternity I will praise our heavenly father along side them, but the cool thing about that is that they will have perfect heavenly bodies. How incredible. 

We are learning during our training times how God has called us to care for orphans, and also how we can do that now. My heart for this country and for these kids grows every second. I praise God that he is in control and that he is sovereign. 

I hope this post makes some sense. There are so many thoughts swimming around in my head right now. I am trying to sort through them myself. But I do want to leave you with this. 

Today I was reading an excerpt from Mary Beth Chapman's book, "Choosing to SEE." It is the book about their daughter Maria who was killed in an accident. The same Maria that this orphanage was named after.The book gives a glimpse into the life of Maria and what a blessing she was to everyone she came in contact with. Even though they didn't understand why God would take her from them, they knew that God was still faithful. The didn't know it then, but through that circumstance this place is able to exist. Because of the inspiration that Maria - a child - gave them, everyday orphans experience God's love.  Who is it that God is trying to bless you through? How is God leading you to SEE the bigger picture? 

Thanks for all your support and prayers! 

Kyle 

...to Maria's Big House of Hope!

After many miles and hours of traveling we have finally made it to our intended destination of Maria's Big House of Hope in Luoyang! As we arrived today we had the chance to meet all of the staff and then get a tour of the facility. It was so cool to finally see the place that I had been looking at in all of the videos and pictures. Again, everything travel wise went extremely well.

After our tour we had our first chance to go into the nurseries and play with the children. It took a while to adjust being with the children in their rooms since their nannies were also there to take care of them. I spent time in various rooms this afternoon with different children. From babies to walking and talking toddlers, I had the opportunity to play with lots of different age groups. It was so cool to see MBHOH and how everything here works. God has definitely blessed this place and poured his love out on the people and children here.

While I was playing with the children God really touched my heart and showed me that these are not just orphaned children in China, but they are HIS children and he loves them unconditionally. That realization totally shifted my view of these children and our purpose here. These kids are just as valuable to God as anyone else on this earth. Not only that, but God tells us in scripture that the fatherless hold a special place in his heart. These children are beautiful creations of God that he has called us to care for. That thought is so humbling to me.

I can't wait to learn more from this trip and spend time spreading Gods love to these kids.

...to a hotel in Beijing!

Ni hao from Beijing! We made it! After all of my team met up in San Francisco we boarded our 12 hour flight to Beijing! While in San Fran we had some great time to get to know each other. Then some great time to sleep on the flight, especially since most of us were up and to te airport around 3.

Overall it was an awesome day! Everything went very smoothly. Flights and tickets were not a problem, plus everyone of our bags got to Beijing without a problem! Praise the Father! 
After we it through all the stuff at the international terminal we took a bus to our hotel, which is very nice by the way! We met up with some of the Show Hope staff at the airport also. We got to drive through Beijing some and see te city. Unfortunately it was covered with smog. When we arrived at the hotel we got all check Ito our rooms and then went to grab some dinner. There was PIZZA of all things waiting for us in the restaurant.

Now we are all getting settled in and ready to get some real sleep in real beds! I can't express how blessed I feel to be here and how much the Father blessed ustoday with all if our travels an how smoothly they went!

PR
-the team would all get adjusted to the new time
-we would continue to work together and grow together
-continued travels tomorrow to Luoyang